personal reflection

Everyone has flaws. No one is perfect. Very much including me. But even with that said, I think we should each strive to be a better person. A Kinder Soul. A true giver. More understanding. And the list goes on...

I had someone recently point out a few things that I should change. I’ve thought about them before, but this really hit home. While this person means a lot to me, at the present moment they don't know my good side. My kinder side. The side most of you that know me understand. It's largely my fault. And that makes me sad. What also made me sad was the sole blame placed on me; none on them. That thought has been rattling around in my head as well. And then it clicked. Poof. The clearness of truth...

"You can only change yourself."

Wow. How many times must we be told this to believe it? With having discussed that over the past week with my husband, I know what I need to work on. I have a much better understanding of my flaws, and will humbly admit them if need be. :)

This episode began a few days before Lent. Perfect timing. I’m not Catholic, but what a great practice to give something up – with hope that the ‘void’ will be filled with God's love! With that purpose, I decided to give up anger. Yes, anger. Challenging, but one worth taking. Unfortunately, anger invites other flaws/sins into the mix: jealousy, selfishness, resentment, impatience. Anger is the source, so I am hoping to seriously decrease (if not eliminate) mine. I want change. I need change. ...And then I stumbled upon another great quote:

"Have you begun today what you wish to be tomorrow?"

With that question, I began practicing on Ash Wednesday, but decided to try even harder this weekend. Practice more love and less hate. I am not a hateful person by nature -- not at all. In fact, most classify me with positive energy and a cheerful attitude. But I have my moments. And in those moments I can shatter glass. And that is wrong. And so I ask myself, why? For what purpose is it to become angry? And there is no answer. No reason. No excuse.

For the next few weeks my actions will be different. And not through force. Through pure desire to love more. Spread more joy and less hate. Less frustration. My hope is that this effort will transform my actions permanently -- to be more like my husband, with a calm attitude and very positive outlook. I know that I will get upset from time to time... but it's different than just being angry. And hopefully I will improve the other four flaws that are related.

Like I said, it will be a challenge. But it’s necessary. I am writing this so that all of you may hold me accountable. In the end, God is the one to judge. The only one. But while I am here on Earth, I ask that you help me be a better person. And in return, I give you these two quotes,

"You can only change yourself."

-And-

"Have you begun today what you wish to be tomorrow?"

There is always more that each of us could do. With that, I leave you with the questions... what could you change? And how soon are you willing to try?

Just something to ponder...

ps: I owe thanks to the people who initiated this action.